Being a mom, wife, sister, friend, amatuer blogger, crafter, wanna-be super hero... and enjoying the adventure that comes with it!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

...Wonderfully Made

This is a picture I took in 2009.  Here it is on Flickr

Do you ever catch yourself measuring your worth looking through someone else's eyes?   You become consumed with wanting their approval and wanting to make them happy and using their opinion and happiness to measure YOUR worth.  I am sooo guilty of this.  Stamp a BIG, FAT "GUILTY" on my forehead.  All the above applies to me.  I have just stopped myself today, gave myself a quick kick in the bum and said, "Self!  WHAT THE HECK"?!!!!   I am fearfully and wonderfully made!! 

Psalm 139:14: "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

I was made for a purpose and it was NOT to make sure everyone around me is happy... Happiness, as a whole, is a decision and if someone else DECIDES not to be happy, that is not my fault.  As long as I am doing what I feel is right by that person, I'm not responsible for their happiness.  Now, I don't live in a magical, make-believe world.  I understand that there are times that we are not going to be "happy" without it being a conscious decision.  What I'm talking about is being HAPPY with life in general. 
Several things have been brought to my attention today, and this is one of them.  I was pretty much having an inward pity party.  I'm not one who airs out my laundry for people.  Even people I'm close to don't know when I'm going through a personal trial.  I'm private like that.  But, I was having one of my PRIVATE pity parties and feeling like I was failing in certain areas of my life because a particular person wasn't HAPPY.  I had to receive the proverbial SLAP IN THE FACE and realize that it is THAT person's decision not to be happy right now.   Nothing, whatsoever, I have done has made them unhappy, right now, they are deciding to be unhappy with circumstances that are in their life at this moment, but that has nothing to do with me.
This may seem like a total "DUH" situation to many of you, but I'm a "Pleaser".  If you have any idea what it's like to be a "Pleaser", you understand where I'm coming from.  You want to make everyone happy and do what everyone expects of you regardless of how you feel about it.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember.  And as hard as I try to NOT be this way, I continue to find myself slipping back into the "Pleaser" pattern.
I have definitely grown "ovaries" (just a saying of mine) over the years and find that I stand up for myself much more now than I used to, but it is still hard, with certain people in my life, to say "no" or to feel like I displeased them in some way.  So, apparently, I'm a work in progress, but at this time, I am thankful for God reminding me that I am made for HIS purpose and HIS glory, not someone else's.  And, for the time being, that's enough.



Heidi said...

Okay, so today you are talking to me, my new bloggy friend... I SO relate to what you are saying because I am also a pleaser and I thrive on the approval of others. So, when someone else is unhappy or acting oddly I begin to scan my time with them, muddle through all of my words with them... I must have done something... they're upset with me... I spin out of mental control. But, it's changing. Because I grew so tired of it. And, I realized that I don't know all the facts and that my flesh mis-leads me. Worse than all of that is that I make "their" situation whatever it was about "me." And, 9 times out of 10 it had nothing to do with anything me at all. You and I consume the blame easily because we want everyone to be happy and we think we can fix it... but we can't. So, now when I make it about me, God faithfully reminds me that it's all about HIM. And, instead of seeking the approval of man I seek Him. It's not perfect, I still mess it up and He gently corrects me again and again. Anyway, keeping standing up for you and know when you're standing up there that He is right there with you! Great, honest post, thank you!

My New Normal said...

I am the expert at holding private pity parties. It's something I've been working on with myself and trying to snap out of.

And really, you can never please everyone,,,, it's impossible.

CityGirlChic said...

I use to be like this but then Irealized that there is no way I will ever be happy if I'm trying to be accepted and please everyone, no matter what someone will always have a complaint.. Now I just make sure I'm happy with my decisions and know that if someone is not pleased, oh well because I am!!! Happy blog hopping Wednesday!

S. Brykczynski said...

All we can do is the best we can do, and your best is always good enough!

Kandy said...

Thank you, ladies!!! I appreciate your feedback and advice!! :)

randa said...

How did you know that I needed to hear (or should I say read) this!?!?!?

Kandy said...

guess we are on the same page YET AGAIN, Randa =)

Becoming Mommy said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog! Also, I can relate to part of your post..the allowing yourself to be judged by others part. I'm not a pleaser, and am (uaually) my own toughest critic (and unfortunately hold everyone else to the same standards I hold myself). But once in a while I let people get to me.
I sometimes think I need to toughen my hard outer shell.

Kandy said...

Thanks, Becoming Mommy. It's a hard balance to find... I don't want to be so "hard" that people can't relate to me or are afraid to even approach me about something... But, I do need to put the "pleaser" quality on the back shelf. And I'm only that way with certain people in my life.. I annoy myself!!! LOL

I'm Not a Trophy Wife said...

hi kandy- I'm following you back. Thank you for your sweet comment about Owen the Wonder Dog. Check today's post- guaranteed to put a smile on your face! (didn't mean to self promote). Anyway, just wanted to tell you i am excited to follow ya! laura