So, I HAVE to share this story, because I just feel the need to share some of the random hilarity that happens in my life with you, my readers. So, indulge me...
One of my younger sisters is VERY pregnant. She is seriously going to have this baby any day now. So, my mom and I wanted to go over and help her clean her house and get ready for the baby! Sounds uneventful, right?! If you answered yes, you obviously don't know me or my family very well... Let me set up the scenario for you: I'm in the kitchen, washing dishes, sweeping, straightening, you know, kitchen cleaning stuff. My mom is in my sister's bedroom, rearranging and making a place for the baby's bassinet. I'm, of course, in my own little world, working away, but I'm aware of the mumblings I hear regarding bassinet placement. My mom suddenly calls out to me, "Kandy, come and look and see where you think the best place would be for the bassinet". Being the obedient daughter that I am *smiles* I put down what I'm doing and head down the hall to my sister's bedroom. As I walk into the bedroom door, I instantly catch my breath and let out a little shriek of freight, disgust and confusion! There, on my sister's wall is a stuffed bobcat creature (full bodied) hanging on her wall!!! "WHAT IS THAT"?!?! I asked. My sister then proceeds to express her disgust with the creature and explain that her husband put it there and will NOT take it down. So, I roll my eyes and mummer something about accidentally knocking it off the wall and having it find it's way to the garbage.
With the perfect place for the bassinet picked out, I proceed back to my post in the kitchen and pick up the broom to sweep. At this time, my mom and sister enter the kitchen to take a breather. My sister is talking about something that I don't even recall and casually opens the refrigerator to grab, what I think is a refreshing beverage, but instead, pulls out a Styrofoam, lidded cup. She is still talking and nonchalantly pulls off the lid and pulls out...wait for it... A WORM!! Seriously!!! I big, long, juicy, dirty WORM !!!! My jaw drops, my eyes bulge and I am uncharacteristically speechless for a moment. "YOU HAVE WORMS IN YOUR FRIDGE"?!?!?! I shrieked. Come to find out, it was dinner for her son's lizard pet. Seriously, what kind of freak show is this?! A dead cat is hanging in her bedroom and she has earth worms in her fridge! Really?!?!
My sister finds my shock and dismay somewhat hilarious. I'm still, well, shocked and dismayed. So I ask her, "What next? A shrunken head in the closet"? She laughs, grabs her big, pregnant belly and motions for me to follow her. "No, but I'll show you what I do have in my closet", she said. Somewhat apprehensive, I follow my little pregnant, waddling sister down her hallway to the hall closet. She paused with her hand on the door, laughing at the whole episode that has transpired so far. I can't help but giggle and say, "What"?! So, she opens the door. Thinking I had already seen it all, I casual peer inside. What I saw next put me on the floor, holding my side, dying of laughter!! Inside my precious little pregnant, waddling sister's hall closet was a man's prosthetic leg from the hip to the foot. Complete with sock and shoe! I'm laughing as I type this now, because, really, WHO HAS A PROSTHETIC LEG IN THEIR CLOSET WHEN THERE IS NO NEED FOR ONE?!?! No one in the family has EVER had ANYTHING amputated!!
Oh...... as funny and shocking that the day's adventure was, this is pretty much the way my family rolls... As much of a kick we get out of ourselves and the gut busting laughter that erupts out of the blue from our family, we should be the healthiest people on the planet! So, the next time you think that YOUR family is a freak show, smile and think of mine. You will feel EXTREMELY normal!
