This is a picture I took in 2009. Here it is on Flickr
Do you ever catch yourself measuring your worth looking through someone else's eyes? You become consumed with wanting their approval and wanting to make them happy and using their opinion and happiness to measure YOUR worth. I am sooo guilty of this. Stamp a BIG, FAT "GUILTY" on my forehead. All the above applies to me. I have just stopped myself today, gave myself a quick kick in the bum and said, "Self! WHAT THE HECK"?!!!! I am fearfully and wonderfully made!!
Psalm 139:14: "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."
I was made for a purpose and it was NOT to make sure everyone around me is happy... Happiness, as a whole, is a decision and if someone else DECIDES not to be happy, that is not my fault. As long as I am doing what I feel is right by that person, I'm not responsible for their happiness. Now, I don't live in a magical, make-believe world. I understand that there are times that we are not going to be "happy" without it being a conscious decision. What I'm talking about is being HAPPY with life in general.
Several things have been brought to my attention today, and this is one of them. I was pretty much having an inward pity party. I'm not one who airs out my laundry for people. Even people I'm close to don't know when I'm going through a personal trial. I'm private like that. But, I was having one of my PRIVATE pity parties and feeling like I was failing in certain areas of my life because a particular person wasn't HAPPY. I had to receive the proverbial SLAP IN THE FACE and realize that it is THAT person's decision not to be happy right now. Nothing, whatsoever, I have done has made them unhappy, right now, they are deciding to be unhappy with circumstances that are in their life at this moment, but that has nothing to do with me.
This may seem like a total "DUH" situation to many of you, but I'm a "Pleaser". If you have any idea what it's like to be a "Pleaser", you understand where I'm coming from. You want to make everyone happy and do what everyone expects of you regardless of how you feel about it. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. And as hard as I try to NOT be this way, I continue to find myself slipping back into the "Pleaser" pattern.
I have definitely grown "ovaries" (just a saying of mine) over the years and find that I stand up for myself much more now than I used to, but it is still hard, with certain people in my life, to say "no" or to feel like I displeased them in some way. So, apparently, I'm a work in progress, but at this time, I am thankful for God reminding me that I am made for HIS purpose and HIS glory, not someone else's. And, for the time being, that's enough.
